Feelin' the love
Today in fiction class we all read the stories that we had written. I was nervous because I haven't read a whole story to anyone since senior year, and everyone in my class is a really good writer. But man, we were all AMAZING today. Seriously, everyone's stories were so good. And we all couldn't stop complimenting each other. "Your story was amazing" "No, YOUR story was amazing. "No, YOUR story..." You get the idea. And since we all loved each other's so much, I decided to post my story. Feel free to leave comments. It is a rough draft and could definitely be improved upon, but it's not so bad as far as rough drafts go. So here you go!
The Winner
Andy crouched in the shadow of the tool shed, warily eyeing the boy who was leaning against the doghouse in the middle of the yard and counting to 25. He had found his hiding space before Jimmy had even reached “7,” a space where there was just enough room for a small boy to squeeze in between the warm brick of the house and the rough, wooden planks of the shed. He waited anxiously, the sheer exhilaration and anticipation of the game shortening his breath and making his heart flutter.
“Twenty-five!” Jimmy called.
Andy pulled his limbs close to his body and waited. Living at the end of a dead end street, his backyard was larger than most in his neighborhood. Even so, there were a limited number of hiding spots. The most obvious choice was to stand behind the maple tree. That was a prime spot because of its proximity to home base, the doghouse. From there it would be easy to jump out, tag the base, and commence his victory lap around the yard. Andy had shunned it for that very reason; it was the first place Jimmy would look.
The other location was underneath the steps leading up to the second story deck. Andy usually hid there and he usually lost because he would become so engrossed in picking up the fat, pink earthworms that burrowed there in the dark soil that he would forget to watch out for Jimmy.
Not today. Today he felt hopeful as Jimmy called out, “Ready or not, here I come!”
Andy watched as Jimmy set off confidently in the wrong direction, poking into the shrubs that bordered one side of the yard. He balanced on his heels, waiting for his chance to run to home base. He wasn’t sure if he should make straight for the doghouse, legs pumping, chest bursting, his veins flowing with pure adrenaline, relying solely on his speed to carry him to the safety zone. Perhaps it would be best to take a roundabout route, zigzagging unseen across the yard until he could just touch the doghouse.
He chewed his lip as he thought. Suddenly a solid, furry mass nudged his back and sent him sprawling out of his hiding place and into the bright sunlight. That idiot dog! Andy froze, his eyes glued to Jimmy’s back. Jimmy continued his search of the perimeter, seemingly oblivious to Andy’s abrupt appearance in the yard. Andy wondered if it were possible that Jimmy hadn’t heard. He did not move, but maintained his prone position on the grass. He watched as Jimmy reached the edge of the yard and started to turn.
There was nothing for it, now. If Jimmy saw him, there would be no way to reach the doghouse without being tagged. Andy lurched to his feet and exploded into motion. He saw Jimmy start to run, too. If he didn’t go all out, it seemed as if Jimmy would get him before his outstretched hands would make contact with the assemblage of planks and nails that meant safety.
He leapt.
He knew he would win, then. He felt himself fly through the air, past Jimmy’s grasping hands. Even as he connected hard with the doghouse, he was exhilarated. Even as he fell backwards, reeling from the force of the impact, he was triumphant. And even as the sky began to spin and he heard the slam of the screen door and his mother’s footsteps flying down the stairs, he was elated.
He was victorious.
He was the winner.
That's it! Hope you enjoyed it. Leave a comment! I love comments.
The Winner
Andy crouched in the shadow of the tool shed, warily eyeing the boy who was leaning against the doghouse in the middle of the yard and counting to 25. He had found his hiding space before Jimmy had even reached “7,” a space where there was just enough room for a small boy to squeeze in between the warm brick of the house and the rough, wooden planks of the shed. He waited anxiously, the sheer exhilaration and anticipation of the game shortening his breath and making his heart flutter.
“Twenty-five!” Jimmy called.
Andy pulled his limbs close to his body and waited. Living at the end of a dead end street, his backyard was larger than most in his neighborhood. Even so, there were a limited number of hiding spots. The most obvious choice was to stand behind the maple tree. That was a prime spot because of its proximity to home base, the doghouse. From there it would be easy to jump out, tag the base, and commence his victory lap around the yard. Andy had shunned it for that very reason; it was the first place Jimmy would look.
The other location was underneath the steps leading up to the second story deck. Andy usually hid there and he usually lost because he would become so engrossed in picking up the fat, pink earthworms that burrowed there in the dark soil that he would forget to watch out for Jimmy.
Not today. Today he felt hopeful as Jimmy called out, “Ready or not, here I come!”
Andy watched as Jimmy set off confidently in the wrong direction, poking into the shrubs that bordered one side of the yard. He balanced on his heels, waiting for his chance to run to home base. He wasn’t sure if he should make straight for the doghouse, legs pumping, chest bursting, his veins flowing with pure adrenaline, relying solely on his speed to carry him to the safety zone. Perhaps it would be best to take a roundabout route, zigzagging unseen across the yard until he could just touch the doghouse.
He chewed his lip as he thought. Suddenly a solid, furry mass nudged his back and sent him sprawling out of his hiding place and into the bright sunlight. That idiot dog! Andy froze, his eyes glued to Jimmy’s back. Jimmy continued his search of the perimeter, seemingly oblivious to Andy’s abrupt appearance in the yard. Andy wondered if it were possible that Jimmy hadn’t heard. He did not move, but maintained his prone position on the grass. He watched as Jimmy reached the edge of the yard and started to turn.
There was nothing for it, now. If Jimmy saw him, there would be no way to reach the doghouse without being tagged. Andy lurched to his feet and exploded into motion. He saw Jimmy start to run, too. If he didn’t go all out, it seemed as if Jimmy would get him before his outstretched hands would make contact with the assemblage of planks and nails that meant safety.
He leapt.
He knew he would win, then. He felt himself fly through the air, past Jimmy’s grasping hands. Even as he connected hard with the doghouse, he was exhilarated. Even as he fell backwards, reeling from the force of the impact, he was triumphant. And even as the sky began to spin and he heard the slam of the screen door and his mother’s footsteps flying down the stairs, he was elated.
He was victorious.
He was the winner.
That's it! Hope you enjoyed it. Leave a comment! I love comments.
posted by Frogger at 8:58 PM
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